Sunday, April 23, 2006
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11:53 PM
my sincere apologies to all the avid readers (as they claim =p) out there for the lack of updates lately. well some may know by now the reasons behind it but it's really due to the work schedules, the going out more frequently and mainly the lack of time. We are talking about not getting enough sleep and also intensive work load. I hear alot of boo-ing by now. :)
okie so what's happening to me in life now?
frankly i do not know where to pen down from as well.
let stay from where i left off the last time.
holiday planned. bkk here i come on the 26th may. it's a 5 days getaway. very excited to be able to see the country again after so long. very happy i am getting to go away with a close friend fennie and that we can spend some quality time shopping a few pounds away, eating them back with good food again :P. i hear jeering again cos some of the gals out there must be thinking, serious bo, karen jie jie not truthful in her entries leh. the truth is as much as i am enjoying the pampering i am getting now, i am also very much mentally weighed down with the consequences from the indulgence i am exposing myself too.
details? nah the closer ones would know so i should not repeat.
ah eve mei mei told me the other day the gals are very worried over me. as much as you gals are, i am also very much worried of my actions as well. but for some silly reasons i am safe keeping, i am reacting in this manner. maybe "人家求婚，我就头昏" leh? cept people never 求婚, i'm very 头昏 already. ah eng says 5 yrs of not dating is getting me into very serious shit now. that's why i am so over-responding to what i'm provided with. but i console myself by telling myself that i am merely getting my fair share of attention while i devote my portion of companionship to the other party.
i was reading kennysia the other day when one of his short talks says this : "Lately, a lot of my pals are experiencing relationship woes. Whatever happened to good ol'-fashioned boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, boy marries girl? Nowadays everything becomes complicated with affairs, pregnancy, lies and deceit. I just felt helpless when I wasn't able to help them out of their unenviable predicament" i totally agrees with what he says. i am feeling as helpless for myself when i am stuck in a situation whereby i do not get the good ol'-fashioned boy meets girl, fall in love and get married. i asked myself, i used to be a player in my previous relationship which resulted in me getting nothing out of it after putting in years. aint that enuff for a lesson learnt already. and when this one sets in so quickly i was very ready to commit and devote. i guess i am too quick this time and not checking water out carefully before i swam. sharks i may meet, bitten i may get, wounded i may result but i am already out swimming liao. 2 options i can either sink and die or swim back on-shore asap. i'm choosing to stay in water to observe the sea awhile more before i plan to come or not come back on-shore. dangerous yeah, sharks may come yeah. but no pain no gain. then again, it all revolves the silly commitment. sometimes i am weary. karen karen why are you putting urself into such fix? sometimes i console again. if this is such tides you know you are getting, then swim along with it. dont let the tides hit you and drown. swim harder, come back on shores fast. but as much as i can tell myself swim back, the tides are pulling me further out.
okie enuff of rattling of the unknown truth. its another growing stories i put inside my scrapes for the children i get in future. know a person well before acting. 头昏是不好的现象。理智一点。万事都要三思而后行。知道了吗小朋友们？
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post note: as i was re-reading my entry, this strikes my mind, it's karma i think i am striked with. as a player before i've wounded some1 elses and resulted hurt in him. but then again i told myself i've got "punished" to stay love-less for 5 yrs, and he has got himself a nice wife to settle down with and start a family. do i still deserve such treatments? 是我不慧眼实英雄吗? or what went around is coming around me this time round? if this is karma and i'm out to be played this time, i resolve it to fate. period, out, weary.
